Gray Rocking: A Method To Detach From Toxic Partners, But Opinions On Its Effectiveness And Maturity Are Mixed.
You've probably heard of "ghosting" or "breadcrumbing" in dating, but now there's a new term, "gray rocking," which could signal that your relationship is going south.
Dan Rebek, a psychologist, describes gray rocking as adopting characteristics of a plain, immovable object. "It’s got some good heft. It can just sit there by itself. It doesn’t move but it’s very plain, very plain vanilla," he explained.
Rebek notes that some people use this method to detach from a toxic partner or someone they can no longer deal with. "A person can do whatever they want to do, but it’s a choice to do what you need to do in the moment," he told FOX 5.
Clinical Psychologist Dr. Bart Rossi supports this method, advising clients to use it when they feel overwhelmed by their partner. According to Dr. Rossi, the dull disinterest of gray rocking fuels disassociation, ultimately turning the person off. "Rather than create a lot of drama and get emotional, you act indifferently and kind of with a flat effect, so you kind of distance yourself from the person," Dr. Rossi shared.
However, not everyone agrees with this approach. Some individuals we spoke with believe in direct communication and view conversations as a form of maturity. "People can sense that you already don’t want to be with them, so you could just tell them straight up," Zamo said.
Relationship coach Kavita Jhaveri also cautions against using gray rocking indiscriminately. She emphasizes the importance of expressing personal boundaries and voicing true feelings. "It’s also promoting this lack of empowerment in the process in really voicing what is true for you and actually expressing like your own boundaries. Your own experience of what’s happening in that relationship," Jhaveri explained.
Despite the mixed opinions, some couples see gray rocking as a practical approach when they lack the energy to deal with a situation. "Sometimes you know you don’t have the energy to deal with the situation," one person noted.
Others, however, view it as immature. "I think it’s very immature. I think you should always be yourself. If you want to disengage with someone, you should make that clear and step away from them," another added.
Ultimately, gray rocking is a controversial method in the dating world, with some seeing it as a necessary tool for detachment, while others advocate for more direct and honest communication.