Online Dating Apps Face User Burnout; Companies Explore AI And Safety Features To Improve Experience.
While many happy couples can trace their meet-cute moment to an online dating app, others find the never-ending process of likes, swipes, and awkward DMs that go nowhere to be exhausting. This phenomenon, known as “dating app burnout,” is becoming increasingly common.
Marilyn Espitia, a 31-year-old freelance photo editor and photographer, has experienced this firsthand. She began using online dating apps in college, where she met her former partner and father of her child. Today, Espitia is single and continues to use dating apps like Hinge but often feels the need to take breaks when it becomes overwhelming. "It starts getting overwhelming," she said.
Licensed clinical psychologist Yasmine Saad notes that about 80-90% of her clients who use dating apps have expressed feeling similar fatigue. “It’s a very difficult process for people because you invest a lot, then you receive little,” said Saad, founder and CEO of Madison Park Psychological Services. “It triggers a lot of hopelessness and a lot of self-esteem issues.”
Kathryn Coduto, an assistant professor of media science at Boston University, explains that dating app burnout has likely existed since the inception of these platforms. Early desktop-dominant sites like eHarmony or Match.com also saw users experiencing fatigue. Today, burnout may be intensified by the constant connectivity of modern life, with pandemic-era “Zoom fatigue” spilling over into other areas of tech consumption, including online dating.
Despite this, dating apps remain widely used. Pew Research Center found that 3 out of 10 U.S. adults reported using an online dating site or app as of July 2022, a figure unchanged from October 2019. Coduto’s research indicates that while there was a slight increase in new user downloads at the start of the pandemic, the more significant change was in existing users spending more time on these platforms during lockdowns.
The pandemic has left lasting effects on online dating. "The pandemic increased loneliness," said Saad. "But it also boosted the hopelessness because even the apps were not meeting the needs of people for socialization."
Jennifer Stavros, a 42-year-old freelance journalist, describes her mixed experiences with dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid. She often encounters matches that don’t progress beyond initial conversations. "I have a conversation, and it’ll go okay. But then it will just drop, or it’ll just hit a wall somewhere," Stavros said. "It’s not making me feel super hopeful."
The dehumanizing effect of endless swiping can exacerbate burnout. "You’re treating people like a card deck because that’s what you’re looking at," Coduto noted. Hurtful experiences, such as being ghosted, can erode trust in dating platforms, leading users to log off and prioritize their self-worth over the pursuit of a match.
Burnout experiences also vary widely depending on gender, sexuality, race, and ethnicity. Women and genderqueer individuals, for example, are more likely to face harassment, while racial and ethnic minorities often encounter fetishization or discrimination. These negative experiences can make it difficult to stay on or trust a platform.
In response, companies are navigating ways to address these issues. Hinge’s “Hidden Words” feature, launched in April, allows users to filter out unwanted words, phrases, and emojis. This feature aims to help vulnerable groups avoid unwanted interactions. Grindr, a gay dating and social networking app, alerts users to potential safety threats in their area, offering features like incognito mode for free in some locations.
AI is emerging as a tool to help identify harmful messages and enhance safety. Platforms like Tinder and Grindr are integrating AI to improve matching algorithms and offer users personalized prompts and date ideas. "We are just scratching the tip of the iceberg," said Anindya Ghose, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, who believes AI could help alleviate burnout but stresses the need for transparency.
Such innovations may keep users engaged with dating apps. Espitia, for one, is open to seeing further updates, including AI implementations, if they can improve connections. "We’re in this new age of finding love," she said. "People really are starved for love — and I think if that technology can help, why not?"